Keep Climbing

Play Bows, Pressure Valves, and Other Signs of Forward

Dear Squeak,

In contrast to last weekend, when it poured rain, this weekend feels like redemption. It’s sunny, bright, seventy-five degrees, and blessedly low on humidity. Picture-postcard beautiful.

I love days like these. The kind where I can crank up the tunes in the truck, roll the windows down, and hang an arm out the window. They feel free. Liberating in their simplicity. Like, for just a little while, the world and all its complications can disappear into the joy of a beautiful day.

So once I finish my adulting this morning (hello, grocery shopping), I’m heading off to play with Julie Bean and soak up this gift of a day.

When you were still here, I used to laugh at your play bow. You were always ready for joy. Always ready for adventure. Today feels like a play-bow kind of day.

Speaking of adventure, I’m looking forward to a little more simplicity soon.

I’m moving sections at work next week, and I can already feel the shift in my body and mind. It’s like a pressure valve has finally been released. Choosing to leave was an act of courage over comfort, and I’m proud of myself for it.

It’s hard to explain, but my time there mirrored some very dark parts of my past and pulled me into a dark and lonely place. One of the ways I healed—and continue to heal—has been creating time and distance from what hurts me. This feels like the same kind of choice.

That section isn’t changing. I tried.

So now, I have to walk away and find a new direction, even if some people misunderstand that decision and mistake it for weakness or quitting.

But this wasn’t surrender. It was agency.

A decision to stop abandoning myself.

A choice to care for the person carrying all of this.

And maybe, too, it’s the first step into a much bigger story about who and what I’m becoming. The truth is, I don’t entirely know what that road looks like yet.

That’s what makes it an adventure.

Speaking of adventures, next week holds another one.

On Friday, I’m heading to New York City to meet my cousin so we can climb One World Trade Center to raise money for the Tunnel to Towers Foundation.

I think this climb may also mark the closing of a chapter.

I still deeply believe in the mission, and my time with Tunnel to Towers taught me more than I can explain about grit, resilience, and refusing to underestimate myself. But increasingly, I feel pulled toward new challenges. New places to invest my energy. New ways to serve.

So once this literal climb is over, I think my focus turns toward other climbs.

Climbs like becoming certified in equine-assisted learning. Launching this improv-for-law-enforcement class. Returning to my memoir. Building the leadership and teaching work I feel quietly calling me forward.

And of course, there are riding goals this year too.

Geez, Squeak. Writing all of that out feels like… a lot.

But at least you know I’m not letting the grass grow under my feet since you’ve been gone.

I’m still here.

Still growing. Still messy.

Still tripping, falling, getting back up, and dusting myself off.

I guess that’s living.

Now, off to enjoy this beautiful play-bow kind of day.

#KeepClimbing #DearSqueak #ForwardIsForward #CourageOverComfort #GrowthInTheMess #ChooseYourself #HealingOutLoud #BeABuffalo #TunnelToTowers #FirstResponderWellness